My wife has been pregnant for 9months. 40 weeks and 4 days, to be exact. She has been carrying that bulge on her stomach for almost a year now and its getting bigger and creepier every week.

What makes all these difficult though is trying to get used to the constantly growing gap between us everytime i give her a hug, or the occasional barrage of fists and kicks as my unborn son tries to muscle himself out. There was even this one time, i kid you not, he was able to skip songs played from mama’s ipad as she leans the device on her belly to let him listen to genius-stimulating orchestra with nothing but brute strength and pure unadulterated love for good music. My friends say it was just coincidence, i think its raw talent.
in fairness, my wife is nothing but gentle, soft-spoken, easy to handle, disney-like princess all through out this pregnancy, nearly none of the things old folklores warned me about- extra fat, mood swings, big noses, food binging. A Human Blue-whale.

Today we just got word that the baby is
descending a little slower than expected and the plan would be to guide him out by inducing the delivery.

I’m scared. Scared out of my wits

I want to scream.

Run.

Eat ice cream.

We went out instead and she did her last strut along the shiny Target floors- last before entering Motherhood.

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Time flew by so fast. it was just a few months back when she first told me we were pregnant. I must admit it wasn’t a sudden elation or a sense of accomplishment that welcomed me. It was more of – am I ready for this?

One thing is true though, every time he moves, every time he gallops, it never fails to keep me wanting, waiting for more.

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August 7, 1982

10:54am

         It’s getting much worse today. in fact, i didn’t have much sleep. i only had a few minutes of rest earlier then its back again. could things be any worse? the crack has gotten dangerously bigger today too.

it all begun just a few months ago, just when i was having this growth squirt. when my bodily structure started changing from a one tailed squishy cell to a four limbed mammoth of a head slowly over-crowding my tank, when I  uncovered a primitive marking on one of my walls. it looked like some kind of writings, like a name or symbols of some sort. I didn’t think of it much at first but a few weeks later i again noticed, while descending more down the tank, more crease on the walls,  much bigger and more prominent. it made me wonder if the rumors i was told back in the container was true, about the tunnel and those that went and never came back.

just a couple of days ago, i started noticing pressure areas on the walls, its like every cell from the outside are giving in . squealing screams. it used to be mild but has begun to increase in intervals now and coming in more frequently. more obvious on the waves now, you can feel the tension on each ripple. what’s going on? why are all these happening? importantly, where does the screaming come from?

i tried checking out the vicinity yesterday, at the same time trying to withstand the discomfort the now more-frequent-waves bring, I noticed a crack in one of the secluded sections below, just a small one though. maybe it’s because of the increasing pressure , hopefully it won’t get worse.

5:06pm

the screaming can still be heard sometimes though, it seems its coming from outside.

8:15pm

what is outside this room?  why is the crack getting bigger?

worse. much worse.

 but why are the walls still shaking and closing in? 

I need more air!  somehow the air from the pipe is getting lesser now, its making me anxious.too anxious.. I need to relax….close your eyes……. deep breathe…..deep breathe….

Mr. Tumbler once mentioned a story similar to this, I thought he was just making it up so I didn’t really pay much attention to it. it happened to one of his friends who got in like me. the earthquake-like shakes, collapsing walls, squeals, then getting sucked into a hole…”the most excruciating experience ever”, he said. It’s as if death awaits whoever enters the tunnel. 

but what he said next was more alarming. with a voice of caution and as faint as a whisper,  he said, ” once in there,  never follow the light.”

Tristan told me a different story though, he had a dream about it, that life after the tunnel of light is great, full of colors and adventures. a better life than what we have here inside.  but then again, we could never know for sure. for all those that went in never came back. what they left behind are memories of their agony and pain of going out and in that thing called  light.

 what is light by the way?

11:46 pm

here it is again. the shakes, but much worse now. im holding on to my life line right now, I realized that this is what keeps me alive all this time, everything I needed comes from this tiny pipe. this is my only hope of living. losing it means death. I must guard it .

August 8,1982

4:20am

this is the 20th wave already, its been four hours of excruciating pain, wave after wave, what’s happening? … wait….wait…. the hole is opening up now, I can see something, wait, I can see? … what is that? something white? is this the light? light coming from above. why is this happening ?

5:25am

it’s sucking me in! I don’t want to  go… I cant go now, my life has just begun, 9 months is not yet enough for me. I need to live. I have dreams, ambitions to fulfill. please Lord let me live… must… hold…on….

 5:30am

the force is too much for me.

so this is it then….the inevitable has come..

…im so cold…

birth.