For almost a month now , my struggle to gain supremacy toward my anatomy has been nothing but a failing quest. An elusive end.

Maybe it’s because it’s too ambitious of a goal for me or I have such a weak resolve.

Like Adam, I find myself unable to resist Eve’s  forbidden apple(literally).

I tried almost everything I could. From eating all-protein like lions , eating leaves and grass like goats( but this one I had to stop within a week out of fear of growing horns ), gulping algae like Ariel( little mermaid), running around the Rose Bowl( tried it for a day), biking to work, even the unimaginable, not eating chocolates(?). But  after all these unsuccessful efforts I remedied to check my weight  to at least once a week now rather than monitoring it daily to somehow cushion the blow of the slight 5 lbs increase in my body mass(ouch) and avoid bingeing, a rebound, brought about by mild depression.

Recently, my girlfriend is into Korean telenovelas.

She’s so into them that she started downloading korean applications on her itouch just to immerse herself with their culture and her korean infatuations.  Well, just a week ago, while spending QT, by QT, I mean watching her korean english subbed shows in youtube together, I had a sudden revelation. Why not incorporate my girlfriend’s obsession to my ever-failing quest?

here’s the logic: 

What does Asians, no, let’s just say Koreans, Chinese and Japanese have in common? yes. They are petite, THIN, healthy. and  what is it that they eat vigorously, their main diet? the secret where they attribute their flexible skinny bodies?yes again. NOODLES.

Now according to my deep analysis, if I can just start with that diet, I would be inches away from maintaining a thinner more agile structure. ka-chingggg!!

And so I run to the nearest seafood mart and bought myself dozens of them quick noodles, the ones they showed where cute Koreans guys from “Boys over Flowers” are eating.

And true enough, after I managed to operate the chopsticks to work and started sipping through the soup and noodles, I could immediately feel its effects encapsulating my still-flubby body. After a few sips, my stomach was already filled with a mixture of  fresh air, spicy soup and wiggly noodles. I’ve never felt this healthy before and now I feel full. no longer hungry like i was 2 minutes ago.

Maybe the noodles grant me an illusion of  being filled, but so far it works. for as long as it helps me avoid eating gluttonously and not feel weak from hunger at the same time then it’s alright.

for the sake of transient beauty I’ll do it all.


Three months ago I made a pact with the devil in me to not just loss 60 lbs of weight but also have a physique as manly as spartan warriors, with hardened muscular spheres prettifying every inch of their bronze body, or atleast… closer .

I could not understand how one  who’s covered with hardened tissue and mineral oil could be such a spectacle to behold, or how a guy with a lesser abdominal diameter than mine be more pleasing. 

But like the rest of us,I am hot-wired to be a sucker for conventional beauty. and beauty in our generation is realized by the absence of tasty edibles, exaggeratedly chiseled muscles and crotch grinding leggings.

For the first month i have deligently abstained from eating meat of any kind and decreased my eating of rice to half a cup each day. It has been excruciating, especially when all my coworkers deliberately bring  moutwatering delicacies at lunchbreaks upon hearing of my new found devotion. like she-devils, they  entice me with their wares. But somehow i managed.

The hardest part though was learning how to deny myself the gratification of being full. and with this new lifestyle my extra distended stomach could  barely be filled. Last week, as I was once again dreading the culmination of my short lunch break, I decided to drown my weariness with water as I watch my pig of a coworker indulge himself with his jucy Big ‘n tasty burger with large fries and a coke. with each bite,I gulp my much needed H20; with each fry, a gulp of this abundant life sustaining moisture. at the end of  our break, I emptied  5 liters of our office water- which made our owner and the rest of my officemates to wonder if our water fountain is broken or has a leak or something. And of course, I was there in the corner innocently whistling, trying to look busy and indulged in my work.

With the help of daily push ups and  my girlfriends laundry and groceries I managed to cram in an inch-size-bulge in my upper arm. Biceps. Guns…mine looks more like a seniorita. a miniature sized gun-a miniature sized muscle. but as a budding muscle builder this tiny hope of contractile tissue is a ray of light.

Its a 24-hour struggle, every day of the week. And for an untrained apprentice, each day lasts  a lifetime.  An excruciatingly long lifetime.

For the first month alone, I saved 15 cows, 20 varieties of salt and fresh water fishes, fed 6 malnourished homeless bums and lost…2 lbs.

I may not look like a spartan king now with all his flexed muscles and killer good looks but  for my consulation, at least,I….. saved lives.

               It isnt mainly about the money now, it’s more on intuition. The skill of fashion. The ability to locate the same beauty,sophistication and elegance of coco chanel and gucci but without its death-defying high price.
The part where one can put together scraps of unrecognizable, ordinary, even used clothing with zero percent beauty and turn them into one futuristic art.
I trailed her one day, hoping to atleast capture a glimpse of her sorcery.
i took note on all objects she glanced upon, it felt weird coz each objects made different facial expressions. a smirk on a flowing, summery flower-colored dress at macy’s, a disgust on a green tank top at target, devlish grin on a purple-body-hugging short dress at H&M.
It seem like in a split second she travels through time and sees how these dresses look like in the far future.
With each step, each glance, clothes, accessories are slowly eliminated. only a chosen few are previliged enough to be part of her collection, which at that time,to me, still made no sense. A bracelet, a ring, some sort of sash, a white razor back top with uncomprehendable writings.
She held them like her lost treasures, strutting excitedly like Little Red Ridinghood to her grandma.
The idea becomes more confusing each time a new piece is added.
Im starting to loss hope of understanding her art now, maybe this is but a random pick, never actually intended to organize them into one unique artform, or maybe i was wrong. maybe she wasnt the prodigy i had in mind.
Wait a minute.
Where did she go? She was right infront of me just a second ago.
Where might she have gone?
I ran. heart raising, outrunning my steps. scared not because of the art lost, scared more of lossing the beauty i waited so long to see. each breathe made the infrastructure shrink. Racks of clothing are now like mazes, created to trap me. like Snow White’s prince, i choped my way through the thorned walls of chanel, forever XXI, nordstrom, D&G, Louis vuitton,Marshalls.
Almost running out of strength, i decided to clinch my thirst first at   In&out. to restore my strengh i have to focus on each gulp of their cold rasberry icedtea.
 With each bite of their fresh animal fries and meaty burgers my energy crawls back, slowly my body is transformed, muscles grow, abdomen slowly chiselled. i appear more like jacob black now.
With a spurt of energy, i blasted ahead.
Rejuvinated with keen eyesight and sense of smell, i spotted a familiar figure hid itself in the shadows of one corridor at the farthest end of clothing-filled jungle. i raised my speed up.
i could not allow myself to loss her again this time..nearing the entrance of the veil covered counter, i focused all my energy on my lower cafs to catapolt me into a huge jump.
as the veil slowly opened, i noticed the figure standing in front of the mirrors was her . Bbut wait, why is the room full reflecting crystal glass, is this a trap?is this where she does her magic? and why is she just standing there? was she expecting me?am i gonna die?…… no…
Slowly the figure appears to full form, beauty……she looks different,like Gizelle Bunchen in the red carpet. dazzling.
my jaw dropped. teeth sweating with drool.
The magic was done. the transformation begun and i was too late…
slumped on the floor exhausted. i collected myself.
 i need to know how she does it, i need to know the trick…clinching my magic card from my traussers, i fearlessly stepped towards her. back facing me, she was still tranced infront of the mirror from her transformation, if i must strike, i need to strike now, or my chance would be forever lost.
i moved closer,raised my arm. then moving my face near her  ear, i woke her up with a shove and whispered……”e TRANSFORM pud ko te be, pls… murag c vanessa hudgens pud kuno ko”…..