nightmare


And so i finally got the time to watch Alice in her wonderland.  for a CGI-addict, it was like hitting the mother lode of  stimulants and hallucinogens- a 2-hour ecstasy

but in between the  mushroom beverage, unorganized tea-parties, violent killer cards, and a head-dropping queen, i was brought back to when i was scared at nightmares. At monsters. At flying.I wasnt peeing my pants  or anything, but it did take  alot out from me as I  mastered courage to avoid screaming like a pop diva as this huge steroid-induced kitten, with jaws like a great White, appeared from nowhere and chased Alice around…i shouldn’t, lest i lose the chance to impress this  girl sitting beside me, leisurely digesting the 20 dollar popcorn i bought her as if this was another girl-flick movie.

I used to think that these children stories have something….what’s the word?…sinister, about them. Unlike other traditional bedtime stories, this is one of those dual meaning few that has become more popular than their predecessors.

Dwell on it  if you may:

  • Alice and Wonderland- a story of a girl who  faced  conflicts in real life finds solace and comfort as she travels through an underground world she calls, Wonderland. But it is quite disturbing to note that Wonderland wasnt as relaxing as you might think it is, filled with height altering snacks,  devlish disappearing and flying cat, confusing story plots which diverts to different places instantaniously and  role confusions. a cocktail of extreme dimensions
  • Hansel and Gretel- they’re dad left them in the forest to die just to please their step-mother’s insecurity-talking about abuse and parenting. and mind you, their dad did not just  do this once, but on the second attempt even made sure  they couldn’t find ways to come back.
  • Little Mermaid- she gave up everything she has for the sake of a guy who doesnt even know her or that she exists. and to make everything worse, the time she finally got her man and were suppose to live happily ever after, her mermaid sisters dug a dagger on both lover’s chest ending their lovestory.
  • Peter Pan- lost boys who never grows old. Everything was going smoothly, everybody was happy until Wendy came and  decided to bring all the other lost boys back to the real world with her. Yes, its for the good you might say, but them moving back  meant leaving Peter alone. and when you really think about it, at the end of the story, Peter was alone, with no one to play with except his stubborn shadow.

Children stories, for me, ought to be uplifting and inspiring. They should provide to a child good ideals as well as lessons for life and morals. We should, at this age, soak their sponge-like minds, positive and morally-correct ideas. and especially for bedtime , a critical time of the day wherein memories are stored in the long term brain, it is equally important that  as we set their minds for sleep, as we kiss them goodnight, talk to them about relaxing and peaceful themes. Something that can make their dreams sweet.

  1. best way to make a good first impression is to make faces, cover you nose, cringe in disgust when you know shes looking at you.
  2.  be absent on the second day. then make a lame excuse of going hiking or vacation after being absent for a month or two.. that will give her time to miss you…or be terribly clueless of you.
  3.  when shes talking, lock your extra-hyperdilated pupils to her pulsating carotid.
  4.  stare blinklessly at her for hours, even half of the day.make her believe your fantasizing bout her.
  5.  (if you can manage to drool while staring, way better. the more drool the better)
  6.  show off when its a sunny day.take your clothes off. show them pale muscles.put on some glitters and dance with the sun. nothing can captivate a cheerleader more than a guy thats glistening in the sun.
  7.  put on tons of johnson’s and johnsons powder.put them all in the face…be as white as jabbowakis’s mask.
  8.  pay off some of you gangster-looking friends (with piercings of course) to harass her. then weakly rescue her from them by staring at her assailants! dont do nething just stare…. let the eyes do its work!
    (pull your eyelids way back to your skull to the point that your muscles ache and your cornea bulges out from its sockets…do the exophthalmus!…gangstah eyezzzzz
  9.  climb to her room at night and spend your night there, staring at her.read her books, collect pieces of her hair, make little-bella hair dolls.
  10.  after the first date, walk her to her house.upon reaching the doorstep, while she’s nibbling with her keys, softly hold her in her arms and move 90% for the kiss.dont go all the way, wait for her to give the 10%.90% of women, judge the outcome of the relationship on the first kiss.”Hitch”

–if it doesnt work, whisper to her ears, “the lion has fell inlove with the lamb”.that works 100% with money back guarantee.

               It isnt mainly about the money now, it’s more on intuition. The skill of fashion. The ability to locate the same beauty,sophistication and elegance of coco chanel and gucci but without its death-defying high price.
The part where one can put together scraps of unrecognizable, ordinary, even used clothing with zero percent beauty and turn them into one futuristic art.
I trailed her one day, hoping to atleast capture a glimpse of her sorcery.
i took note on all objects she glanced upon, it felt weird coz each objects made different facial expressions. a smirk on a flowing, summery flower-colored dress at macy’s, a disgust on a green tank top at target, devlish grin on a purple-body-hugging short dress at H&M.
It seem like in a split second she travels through time and sees how these dresses look like in the far future.
With each step, each glance, clothes, accessories are slowly eliminated. only a chosen few are previliged enough to be part of her collection, which at that time,to me, still made no sense. A bracelet, a ring, some sort of sash, a white razor back top with uncomprehendable writings.
She held them like her lost treasures, strutting excitedly like Little Red Ridinghood to her grandma.
The idea becomes more confusing each time a new piece is added.
Im starting to loss hope of understanding her art now, maybe this is but a random pick, never actually intended to organize them into one unique artform, or maybe i was wrong. maybe she wasnt the prodigy i had in mind.
Stop.
Wait a minute.
Where did she go? She was right infront of me just a second ago.
Where might she have gone?
I ran. heart raising, outrunning my steps. scared not because of the art lost, scared more of lossing the beauty i waited so long to see. each breathe made the infrastructure shrink. Racks of clothing are now like mazes, created to trap me. like Snow White’s prince, i choped my way through the thorned walls of chanel, forever XXI, nordstrom, D&G, Louis vuitton,Marshalls.
Almost running out of strength, i decided to clinch my thirst first at   In&out. to restore my strengh i have to focus on each gulp of their cold rasberry icedtea.
 With each bite of their fresh animal fries and meaty burgers my energy crawls back, slowly my body is transformed, muscles grow, abdomen slowly chiselled. i appear more like jacob black now.
With a spurt of energy, i blasted ahead.
Rejuvinated with keen eyesight and sense of smell, i spotted a familiar figure hid itself in the shadows of one corridor at the farthest end of clothing-filled jungle. i raised my speed up.
i could not allow myself to loss her again this time..nearing the entrance of the veil covered counter, i focused all my energy on my lower cafs to catapolt me into a huge jump.
as the veil slowly opened, i noticed the figure standing in front of the mirrors was her . Bbut wait, why is the room full reflecting crystal glass, is this a trap?is this where she does her magic? and why is she just standing there? was she expecting me?am i gonna die?…… no…
Slowly the figure appears to full form, beauty……she looks different,like Gizelle Bunchen in the red carpet. dazzling.
my jaw dropped. teeth sweating with drool.
The magic was done. the transformation begun and i was too late…
slumped on the floor exhausted. i collected myself.
defeated. 
 i need to know how she does it, i need to know the trick…clinching my magic card from my traussers, i fearlessly stepped towards her. back facing me, she was still tranced infront of the mirror from her transformation, if i must strike, i need to strike now, or my chance would be forever lost.
i moved closer,raised my arm. then moving my face near her  ear, i woke her up with a shove and whispered……”e TRANSFORM pud ko te be, pls… murag c vanessa hudgens pud kuno ko”…..

August 7, 1982

10:54am

         It’s getting much worse today. in fact, i didn’t have much sleep. i only had a few minutes of rest earlier then its back again. could things be any worse? the crack has gotten dangerously bigger today too.

it all begun just a few months ago, just when i was having this growth squirt. when my bodily structure started changing from a one tailed squishy cell to a four limbed mammoth of a head slowly over-crowding my tank, when I  uncovered a primitive marking on one of my walls. it looked like some kind of writings, like a name or symbols of some sort. I didn’t think of it much at first but a few weeks later i again noticed, while descending more down the tank, more crease on the walls,  much bigger and more prominent. it made me wonder if the rumors i was told back in the container was true, about the tunnel and those that went and never came back.

just a couple of days ago, i started noticing pressure areas on the walls, its like every cell from the outside are giving in . squealing screams. it used to be mild but has begun to increase in intervals now and coming in more frequently. more obvious on the waves now, you can feel the tension on each ripple. what’s going on? why are all these happening? importantly, where does the screaming come from?

i tried checking out the vicinity yesterday, at the same time trying to withstand the discomfort the now more-frequent-waves bring, I noticed a crack in one of the secluded sections below, just a small one though. maybe it’s because of the increasing pressure , hopefully it won’t get worse.

5:06pm

the screaming can still be heard sometimes though, it seems its coming from outside.

8:15pm

what is outside this room?  why is the crack getting bigger?

worse. much worse.

 but why are the walls still shaking and closing in? 

I need more air!  somehow the air from the pipe is getting lesser now, its making me anxious.too anxious.. I need to relax….close your eyes……. deep breathe…..deep breathe….

Mr. Tumbler once mentioned a story similar to this, I thought he was just making it up so I didn’t really pay much attention to it. it happened to one of his friends who got in like me. the earthquake-like shakes, collapsing walls, squeals, then getting sucked into a hole…”the most excruciating experience ever”, he said. It’s as if death awaits whoever enters the tunnel. 

but what he said next was more alarming. with a voice of caution and as faint as a whisper,  he said, ” once in there,  never follow the light.”

Tristan told me a different story though, he had a dream about it, that life after the tunnel of light is great, full of colors and adventures. a better life than what we have here inside.  but then again, we could never know for sure. for all those that went in never came back. what they left behind are memories of their agony and pain of going out and in that thing called  light.

 what is light by the way?

11:46 pm

here it is again. the shakes, but much worse now. im holding on to my life line right now, I realized that this is what keeps me alive all this time, everything I needed comes from this tiny pipe. this is my only hope of living. losing it means death. I must guard it .

August 8,1982

4:20am

this is the 20th wave already, its been four hours of excruciating pain, wave after wave, what’s happening? … wait….wait…. the hole is opening up now, I can see something, wait, I can see? … what is that? something white? is this the light? light coming from above. why is this happening ?

5:25am

it’s sucking me in! I don’t want to  go… I cant go now, my life has just begun, 9 months is not yet enough for me. I need to live. I have dreams, ambitions to fulfill. please Lord let me live… must… hold…on….

 5:30am

the force is too much for me.

so this is it then….the inevitable has come..

…im so cold…

birth.